Today I am going in too see my pdoc because I had such a terrible day yesterday and instead of him just talking to me on the phone he wants me in the office. It worries me so much because I feel like he is going to drop me as a patient because of financial reasons. But what can you do if you are so scared to be in public that you can not work on a regular basis? I thought about talking to him about disability but I am sure this will upset him. I feel like I have hit a wall here. I just got a new job and was suppose to start yesterday but had to lie to them so I could start a few days later. I don't want the job now at all but I know I have to have an income. I feel terrified! I tried to get a job with a little "less" responsibility and I was told I am too qualified. I just don't know where to go from here anymore. I just wish I could vanish!!! I spend alot of time in bed because it has always been my "safe place" and now I just look like I am a lazy blob to others. I am at my wits end with all this.