Since you asked for people to comment, here is my comment, based on my observations on the job of two women similar to what you are describing.

The first woman was hot to trot for any man who would give her any attention whatsoever, although she preferred attracting the attention of men she viewed as more powerful.

She also chose her language carefully, using words that had a sexual undertone; always thrusting herself to the fore in meetings and conversations. She was basically promising herself as a sexual object to anything with enough testosterone.

The flip side of that, though, was she had a distinct dislike of most men, and was blatantly using them to get along in life--something she didn't reveal to all the men to whom she gave her come-along act, but what she revealed to the other women in the office.

The other woman was more complex and probably closer to what you have been experiencing. This woman was a more refined version of Gal A; in that she didn't wear overtly sexy clothes and her language was not overtly sexy.

Instead what she did was create a bond with our impressionable boss that excluded everyone but the two of them, and she maneuvered things so that he and she were often alone and (supposedly) dependent upon one another for decision making, thoughts and feelings-expressing, and general relaxation.

In reality, the boss could have expressed his thoughts (about the business anyway) to all of the staff; and he could have gone home and expressed his thoughts and feelings to his wife instead of this woman.

I have no doubt the boss thought this woman was the feminine ideal: she was always perfectly groomed and he held her up to all of us as the perfect wife and mother (oh, yes, she was a married woman with several children).

Of course she was the perfect wife and mother (even though she was rarely home and her children were being raised by her husband and her own mother and a part time nanny) and she was perfectly groomed because she was an admitted shopaholic (something she bragged about) and she took time out during the day to attend to her personal needs (instead of doing anything so pedestrian as w-o-r-k-i-n-g).

If your wife is not "feminine" enough for you, then you could put your money where your desire is and have her go to the beauty parlor twice a week, buy her a new, sexier wardrobe and get her a part time nanny for the children.

I do agree with you that the issues of marriage aren't solved easily when what one of the issues is, is that one partner wants a fantasy while the other partner is busy in the trenches doing the grunt work.

I mean no criticism of men, either; it could just as easily be a man who works like a dog all week and comes home to a wife who has sat around making goo-goo eyes at every man-jack on the internet instead of cleaning house and attending to the children; while husband is busy living in the real world of sweat and work; immature wife is living in a fantasy of Prince Charmings and tiaras.

The reality is that children often change the nature of a man and woman's relationship; that this isn't always permanent nor is it bad; every stage of our lives is a gift, if we only can find a way to see it that way.

If you have been mooning over this Perfect Woman for 2 years, I'm not a bit surprised your wife isn't giddy when you come home. You can decide to improve your marriage; you can devote 100% of the time and energy you have put into the Perfect Woman into your love for your wife and children. If you have not sought out a counselor for yourself, now would be the time. I hope for you a happy marriage and secure and happy children and a loving future with your family.