My dad suicided a long time ago. I'm sorry your hurting. I can remember the pain. It is done. He is gone. The only person responsable, unless there are circumstances I'm not aware of, is him. It was his choice. His responsability.

Talk it out. cry. ask for help. find support.

Don't try to understand, it will not bring him back. Take care of yourself.

I'll have you in my thoughts