We spent some time talking about how I can be doing fine and then suddenly get triggered and everything is catastrophic. He said it has to do with the messages from the past and that we need to find a way of filtering them out. I hear my parents' criticisms from childhood and instantly my whole outlook changes and I believe all those negative messages, even though the rest of the time I hear and believe the positive messages about myself I have worked to build up. Anyone got any ideas aobut how to block the negative messages? One way he suggested is to focus more on the positive messages. But when situations or events trigger me I react - he said this - I react instantly and all the cognitive behaviour stuff goes out of the window. I told him I feel like another person, totally different. I really want to change this but I don't know how.
I only dissociated once - T said he is getting better at recognising when I do. We did discuss the calling back and how it scared me that he couldn't immediately last week. He asked why it scared me and I talked about feeling I might get trapped. does anyoen else have that feeling? - sometimes I even wonder if I really am trapped now in a dissociative episode and just don't recognise it. He said I need to create a safe image that I can use when triggered into dissociation, to remind myself that I am safe in the here and now. That's something I'm going to work on - that visualisation.
He said I am doing well. He was very impressed with my boosts book. Quite a few of you feature in it, so thank you for your supportive and encouraging posts and messages.