Oh, big hugs to you! Been there, done that. No fun and so grateful it is over for me.

The combination of a son at any age with ADHD is stressful.

Age 17 was one of the toughest years I dealt with raising my sons. (I have 3 sons). I think their hormones and strong impulses to become more independent and start breaking away from family is probably typical for the age. I did discover that ADHD (2 of my sons) made it much more difficult.

Just wish I could really give you the right answer - but every situation is different.

Thinking back, my Ex would have gone in and read the kid the riot act. (Not very helpful and made things worse most of the time). On the other end of the teeter-totter of parenting...My own reaction was to go deaf to my son's noise. I tended to avoid confrontation. (Mom burn-out maybe)? Now I realize that wasn't helpful either...

So, in 20/20 hindsight, my thought is that I think your decision to let him blow off steam and leave him alone for a time might be good for both of you.

My best suggestion for situations like this is to wait until stuff calms down before you try to talk to him. Then talk calmly and let him know that he can't disrespect you that way. Also make him pick up any mess or repair any damage he caused during his tantrum. The hardest part about all of this is that you will have to repeat, repeat, repeat.