I am really glad that a lot of people on PC have a great therapist.... I can't say the same.

I will say what I have always said about this lady- She is nice to talk to.

today was basically my last session and I was told when I came in-- YEAH she gave me that leave way of "well if you think you more therapy just give me a call"

This is all because due to I have her my summery of the last month from our last session (01/30 was our last session)... This summery was about when I was doing either rather bad mixed states of things or really chaotic rapid cycling with really LOW points, (Depression for the ones that like to use that word). AND it was more than Idealization with some thing--- And I had the hopeless at the end that I was not sure if she could help me with my problems, and that I did not think there was a solution to me, and that this was just my s h i t life and had to deal with it...

She pulls out the paper today- and says well here you say you are not sure about therapy.... and I think we should see each other in a month, BUT I will call you two weeks before that last session Just to Be sure IF you are coming or NOT.

She is a nice lady and maybe I am just feeling hurt right now, that this did sort of hit me out of the blue

Fine if she does not want to do therapy with me any more whatever, that is fine.. I DID tell her what my boyfriend told me- that he thought after seeing her for a few months that he thought I had gotten worse, and that I should had stopped therapy but I was the one that was saying that the month before I started therapy was one of my worse downs/mix state/rapid cycling.

And ON TOP OF IT-- We are doing our session today, and I have tlaked about my dog so many times, and she has no clue what I am tlaking about

Add injury to insult it feels like right now

I agree Therapists and Pdoc are human too, but I have been seeing this woman for 6 months, and she has no clue the issues that i have tlaked about with the dog and the attachment that i have.... and I feel just like- ok this is for the best.

Whatever.

I am sorry I just needed to rant right now, I am not too happy about this.

And right now my attitude is Fine F u c k this and I will be fine on my own- did not need this s h i t any ways!

I thought I would get a heads up--- Like, well in two more sessions will be the last-- Not just walk in one day and OH well this is like the last, but I will schedule one a month in advance but call too see if you want to cancel... I find this a bit messed up.

Of Course, I am keeping my tounge- this woman is in ways stranger to me, and I can't blow up at the therapist office right-- I tell her fine whatever.
Don't want to be rude.

I just got out of this choatic roller coaster in my f u c k ing head and i tell her I think I am doing better than January but still with some downs WITH ADDED Paranoia Which is not a norm and this is my last session. (SHE Agreed it was paranoia then said simi paranoia at the end of the session)

Whatever, I have many times felt like she has not wanted to do therapy with me, and ya know-- whatever.

F u c k this.

I am sure many of you find great benefits from therapy but I honestly can't say much have I taken from this BESIDES:
1) I was actually to open up and tell another what happened to me as a child-- I kept being told I had to be stable before talking about the issues-- WHICH WE NEVER GOT TO TALK ABOUT
2) That I guess the skills that i use before therapy i just need to strengthen, and try to keep even though at times I can't.
3) Umm.... yeah.. I found it is nice some times to talk to someone with issues, but I knew that before i went to therapy,.

Double Edge sword with #1-- opened up and this is what I get in ways- BUT I WILL NOT TAKE THAT ROAD-- I opened up to my boyfriend and we still talk and work with each other...

I am sure she would be a great therapist if she did not have such a booked load on her. but today's session is like whatever- it was the last, nothing deep.
whatever- I DID Tell her by the way my last 2 weeks, and she brushed them off basically- she did not want to get deep with it.

I am pissed off that I kept being told I need to be stable before I could talk about things, and yet I am fine to do with out therapy but we never were at that stable part to talk about things.

Give myself a hug for I am not sure if any one else will understand this rant

I will keep telling myself, I will push through. I have to do things on my own, and keep trying.

I just wanted some things from therapy Like better coping skills, and better grip with things, and to resolve some issues from my past, and to get help in general. and I feel failed.

but it is ok. whatever-- just another duck bobbing in the water till I go off