Hello, Blondie50

I am 56, and I think my age is making all the problems in my life seem that much worse: how am I this old and still experiencing all of the same crap I've experienced all my life?

I've had to return to high doses of 2 meds; everyone tells me that when the drugs kick in, I'll feel much better. So, don't reject the idea of meds. Perhaps a good MD or psychiatrist can get at the root of why you gain weight on antidepressants and help you control your weight while taking them (I have never experienced weight gain on antidepressants).

Exercise, particularly if you can get outside, can also be tremendously helpful.

You haven't said how your marriage is -- does your current state have anything to do with Valentines Day? I think this holiday--most holidays--are hard for a lot of people.

I've been reading some Buddhist philosophy lately, which says that being sad is a part of life. I know---doesn't sound helpful when you feel like hell and can't see the end of it.

Take care.