Yeah eastcoaster, I'm not sure how I feel yet - one session is so little to go on. But I do have a point of comparison in my previous T, who had more issues than the New York Times.
My old T was physically avoidant around me, to the point of being phobic. I could see that he hated just having to take my check from my hand at each session. Once I left my wallet in his office. When I came back to get it, he wouldn't hand it to me - he just dropped it on the edge of the desk and pointed at it.
And he never shook my hand, not once. And he refused to rise when I was leaving his office. It was a violation of a very basic point of courtesy, that you rise and see a guest to the door, no matter what the circumstance - friend, family member, business client, or therapeutic client.
So to be in the presence of a T who is comfortable with touching seems much healthier right out of the gate. I can't work with a T who is afraid of me. But this new guy was a bit presumptuous, and that annoyed me.
Need to have another session to get clear on this! Thanks so much for your thoughtful input!
Quote:
Originally Posted by eastcoaster
kitten - you've gotten a lot of great feedback and some differing opinions. What feels OK to you? Do you feel comfortable talking to him about hugging at your next appt? Did you bring up anything about touch or hugging in your appt? Once I said to a T that I'd seen 3 times about missing people's hugs (I was temporarily living somewhere new) and she put her hand on my shoulder when she went across the room to grab a box of kleenexes. When I look for a new T I sometimes ask outright if someone hugs or just try to gauge this as I do want/need a T who hugs. I've never been hugged during the 1st appt. I'd say that the soonest was the third appt and I'm not sure how I'd feel. But if it is a good match and we started hugging eventually/soon, perhaps this would be OK for me. Just like we are talking about liking/not liking hugs in general, Ts also have such feelings. I've also noticed that my 4 Ts whom I've hugged all hug differently.
It is interesting this whole hugging thing, indeed. And as much as I love it I wonder sometimes if it'd make things easier if there was no hugging so those who don't get hugs don't get frustrated or such situations as you had don't come up or those of us who get some hugs and want more aren't left feeling guilty for wanting more or just wanting more, dammit!... but doesn't this parallel our lives in some ways? Not getting things that we want or being in uncomfortable situations with other people?
Good luck - if your T is opening himself up by hugging then it sounds like he's a pretty open guy for you to bring up any subject.
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