Yes Sunrise, I was struck by that too - as if he saw me hesitate. So he needed to massage it a bit: "You can't tell me your life story -"
And I'm thinking, yeah, I CAN tell you my life story. That's precisely what I'm here to do! The hugging thing is a separate issue. One is not predicated on the other. It's a logical fallacy.
Sloppy thinking, you know? And this guy is a Ph.D!
And the implied coersion in the phrase, "You can't - "
DON'T TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO for gawd's sake!
He seems like a really sweet guy. And I'm sure he has NO IDEA he did anything wrong or that I'm picking it apart like this! If he were a "normal" person - one I might see in another context in civilian life, I'd chalk it up to clumsiness. I'd be like, "Oh yeah, Birk [I met a guy named Birk the other day, let's use that alias] - Birk's just a nut like that. Big hugger." [rolling my eyes]
But he's not some random dipwad at the church social or whatever. He's a THERAPIST. And if you're a therapist, it's assumed that you're better than the average Joe at everything relating to people. You're supposed to be particularly sensitive to people and their issues.
I mean if you're tending to a frightened wounded doe, your behavior is gentle and slow and reassuring. You don't make sudden moves and lunges, because you don't want to frighten this helpless damaged creature.
First do no harm, right? [sigh] DUDE, DON'T MAKE IT ANY WORSE!
So yes, I'm annoyed. I'll bring it up this week with Birk and see what he says. I don't have anything invested in the guy yet! He's got some 'splainin' to do
Quote:
Originally Posted by sunrise
My T and I hug often at the end of a session. We didn't do this for the first 6 months or though. Then he did invite me to share a hug with him. We didn't discuss it. Just an invitation/question and I answered yes.
Kitten, what I didn't like about what your T did was that he said "you can't tell you whole life story to me and not get a hug." Even though it's probably just a turn of speech, it sounds like you had no choice in the matter. He was telling you that you can't not hug him. I think this sends the wrong message. The client doesn't have to do anything in therapy. The choice is all up to the client. For the T to tell the client she has no choice but to get a hug from him sounds awful.
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