Sometimes I feel like I'm just a mirror... like I don't know who I am but that I only reflect back the behavior of other people or the behavior that is praised by other people.

Its like I'm still a little kid.... I was always praised for my grades so I became the "smart" girl. Even though I had other things I like better but where not as well "received" by my family. So much of how I feel about myself is based on how other people treat me.

I find I even do that with my T. Its like I've never let therapy be about me. I've always had to think how will he respond to this or what does he think. If he even remotely told me what he thinks about something before hand than I won't go against it... even if on first hearing I think its totally a wrong interpretation... And If I find that T. rewards certain behavior like keeping things light and using humor...with smiles and lots of personal discussion...then that is how I will behave....

Only thing is that I don't ever get to the hard stuff. My perception is that my T. doesn't want to hear it, doesn't know what to do with it and doesn't care if I share it... because what i see from him...is silence, distance and coolness when i tried...

I hate that I can't make things be only about me. I'm so codependent. If i go to another T. I will know to say... I need someone who is going to call me on my stuff... who's not going to let me "dump and run"...i need someone who is going to model sharing deep issues and hard emotions and who is going to encourage me and give positive praise for that... at least if I can't change the mirror reflective behaviour I can use it to my advantage in therapy...

Does anyone else have the whole mirror/reflective behaviour issue and what were you able to do to get past it?