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Originally Posted by Readytostop
Sometimes I feel like I'm just a mirror... like I don't know who I am but that I only reflect back the behavior of other people or the behavior that is praised by other people. 
Its like I'm still a little kid.... I was always praised for my grades so I became the "smart" girl. Even though I had other things I like better but where not as well "received" by my family. So much of how I feel about myself is based on how other people treat me.
I find I even do that with my T. Its like I've never let therapy be about me. I've always had to think how will he respond to this or what does he think. If he even remotely told me what he thinks about something before hand than I won't go against it... even if on first hearing I think its totally a wrong interpretation... And If I find that T. rewards certain behavior like keeping things light and using humor...with smiles and lots of personal discussion...then that is how I will behave.... |
Hi Readytostop, yes I do this too. I think 'reflective mirror' is actually a really good analogy and I may use it in T this week (providing he wants to talk about this that is!)
I definitely feel 'rewarded' for being all light and jokey by him laughing along with me and having intellectual discussions about mental health problems (it's something I'm interested in professionally). It makes me think he likes me, even though I know we will never be friends/colleagues, and it's really important (emotionally) that everyone likes me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Readytostop
Only thing is that I don't ever get to the hard stuff. My perception is that my T. doesn't want to hear it, doesn't know what to do with it and doesn't care if I share it... because what i see from him...is silence, distance and coolness when i tried...
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This is a problem. I realised I had fallen into my pattern of people pleasing with new T and that I had to put a stop to it otherwise I'm wasting my/his time (and NHS resources). I made myself a promise that I was going to be more honest with him. I'm trying to tell myself that I'm just really convincing (I mean, I convince EVERYONE around me that everything's fine inc. other Ts and Pdocs, so why not him, when he doesn't know me very well yet?!), rather than T is not interested. I've told him that I have this pattern and so hopefully he will be on the lookout now, which will also be combined with my trying hard to be authentic so... *fingers crossed*
Quote:
Originally Posted by Readytostop
If i go to another T. I will know to say... I need someone who is going to call me on my stuff... who's not going to let me "dump and run"...i need someone who is going to model sharing deep issues and hard emotions and who is going to encourage me and give positive praise for that... at least if I can't change the mirror reflective behaviour I can use it to my advantage in therapy...
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Do you need to change T to address this?? I didn't - I'm working on this with current T and I'm hopeful that we can get to the bottom of it. The temptation will be to just dive in with this pattern with any subsequent T, as I did. Perhaps you should bring it up with this T, inc. how you perceive his behaviour when you *do* bring stuff up, and see if you can both work with it - if not, then look for a new T?
All the best,
*Willow*