Hello, I am new here. This is mostly about venting I suppose because I know that I really need a sex therapist.

I am 68 years old, a retired white collar professional with a nice family and a very comfortable lifestyle. Most people would probably think I “have it together,” and I admit that on the outside it probably appears that way. However, on the inside, I am a “psycho-sexual mess”--a Lamborghini racecar with no gas and no track to run on.

I have always had a very high sex drive and always could easily have sex a half dozen times a day, if the circumstances were right, I.e. if I had the right partner. I have been married to my wife almost 46 years. Despite our ages we are still both pretty vigorous so physicality should not restrict us.. I play golf several times a week. In the beginning, my wife and I had somewhat of a normal sexual relationship, even though she has always been inhibited. We had regular plain-vanilla sex for a couple of years before we were married and it was fairly satisfactory.

My wife never had the high sex drive that I still have and the longer we were married, the less interest she had. I always craved receiving oral sex, but my wife never has gone down on me one time. She used to allow cuninlingus and I loved to do it; I love the aroma and the taste of the vulva and vagina. I have always loved breast play, especially with my mouth. She doesn’t even like me to see her nude anymore. I moved out of her bedroom in 1997.

At this point, a combination of factors have led me to have erectile dysfunction. They included my age, prostate surgery, emotional baggage, and frigidity and physical limitations on my wife’s part. I have tried all the drugs like Viagra. My urologist prescribed a vacuum pump which worked for a while. However, I began having a distortion on my penis, similar to a hernia. I was afraid to continue using it. I still could and would like to be able to pleasure a woman with my mouth and fingers if I had the chance. I still have a high sex drive and I masturbate regularly using a big massager since I cannot get an erection. The vibrator allows me to have excellent orgasms. I have no other sexual outlet at this time.

To complicate matters, I have latent/closeted bisexual urges. I constantly fantasize about giving oral sex to men. I am not attracted to men per se, but I am definitely interested in the male genitalia. I love to look at pictures of male genitalia and day dream about being in bed with a well endowed man, giving him oral sex. When I was a teenager and a young man, I experimented a little with other teenagers and men, but I have done nothing like that since I have been married. However, now if I had the chance under the “right circumstances,” I could very easily and would like to get it on with “the right guy” who would have to be someone I could trust, and who had attractive genitalia. I would not give oral to someone whose genitalia was not attractive to me.

As I said as the outset, I know I need therapy, but I would be interested in your responses.