I still remember this analogy I gave to my t a long time ago. Here is my original post.

I just have been having a super difficult time with my own therapy. Let me try and tell you about what has happened. Well actually I will just tell you what happened the last time. I was really emotionally raw during my session. Unprepaired for what happened however I did feel connected to my t. THAT IS SUCH A STRUGGLE FOR ME but there it was, a connection.

Well it didn't last long..............................

I am going to try to explain this by rewriting the letter that I had written for my t. It goes like this.

T,
As I left my session last week I had to stop and use the restroom. I know that you used the restroom and then proceeded to get that other girl. When I went to my car I could see her in your window. The way she sat next to your desk and chatted eagerly with you. Her mouth moved as if she couldn't talk fast enough. She was animated and engaged. As I sat in my post therapy detatchment mode I watched this clip and felt incredibly disheartened. She had diluted my intimacy with you.

I wondered, how can it work this way? And then I finally got it. All that pain and raw emotion was just mine. Of course it didn't affect you at all. You could easily do your transition of "peeing and then right on to the next." It's like after every session you have you pee out any of them/me that was left in you and flush it away so you can do it all over again.

My feeling of connection literally lasted less then 5 minutes and it was over. Maybe that is why I have such a hard time letting it happen. When you think about the reality of this relationship it hurts. And it hurts bad.

I think that may have been one thing that my t has never heard before!!