Quote:
Originally Posted by argv
Well, I've been through alot this last week, just thinking about how my new knowledge of myself will pan out. Up to this point, I believed (unrealistically) that I could find a career and keep a job for the next 30 years, but I also didn't realize that it's not 'normal' to just feel like you are barely surviving life every day.
Anyways, I'm considering applying for disability only because I now realize that my behaviors and such are not ADHD related, meaning that my violent feelings and thoughts are real, and my "spaciness" that I thought just came with ADHD is perhaps a little bit of psychosis.
While I'm not going to sit here and tell everyone I'm "more messed up than you" or anything, I can say that my life has been wrought with craziness, bad decisions, violence, and a yearning for death.
That being said, I think me being on disability would be more for the people I work with, than for me. I can manage on very little money, and it would open up a spot for someone else to have a job that has a family, and a future.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
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For the record, not that it matters, but I was considering applying for disability 6 months ago before I even knew I had bipolar and just thought it was ADHD. All I think is "God, I can't do this anymore." I'm tired, I'm wore out,
my back constantly hurts, I have some weird constant stabbing pain in my side, scoliosis.. I feel like I've lived 3 lifetimes already and I'm only 35. I have pretty heavy OCD, and probably ADHD too, and on top of all that, I'm not very good looking! Not that it matters, I could care less. I don't care about money, girlfriends, or anything. Every day almost I wonder why so many decent people get killed, but the guy that WANTS to die doesn't. Why can't a tree fall on my car? Why can't a drunk driver swerve into my lane and kill me? Why can't I catch a stray bullet to my head? WHY!?!?!? ugh.