Hello, love. Welcome to PC

My mom always says that i "choose" to be negative and to argue when really its not me, sometimes i don't even know why i am saying the things i am, or even arguing, once it is over i think "what just happened" so i know it is not choice, neither is depression and how you view life and things. you are accepted here, no one will judge you or anything like that... However you need to see a T or psychologist, it is really good to get a 3rd person view on ur life and unbiased advice. I promise they won't judge you they see some pretty sick people in there long career and you will not be the worst, they see a lot of people similar to you and may even relate in some ways! You can always try it for your initial free session (if ur insurance covers it) and if you don't like it then so be it. Best of luck!