Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
Thanks for all the feedback so far. I'm sad - yet relieved - to see that I am not alone in this. It's such a painful topic, and I'm trying to be curious about what will come of it, but I'm scared....And I'm not entirely convinced that by getting to the root of where it stems will make any impact on how I see myself.
I have lost about 20 lbs. in the last month by changing my eating habits and going to the gym....but I still have a loooong way to go. And for some reason, I'm even kinda scared to lose weight. I don't want people looking at me..... *sigh*
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This last part I totally get. Actually losing weight brings on a whole host of uncomfortable issues....
I'll tell you the strangest thing in the world that helped me to love my body.
I had an abdominal ultrasound. It was quite remarkable actually. I got to see my organs, see them working, blood flowing in and out. The technician said they were textbook, she actually said they were "beautiful".
It never even occurred to me that there were things inside me that were beautiful, and no matter what I thought of the outside, were still working to keep me alive and moving.
It was an amazing experience, albeit a lot of people likely would not react in the same way. I get that. For me, however, it brought about a sea change in my thinking.
Maybe I actually had to look inside to prove to myself that there was nothing rotten in there. I don't know.
I learned my body was an amazing thing. Totally, utterly amazing.