your description took me back to the critical time in my life. i was alcoholic and lost the will to live. i felt totally empty. i had no hope. i isolated and i'm an extrovertive person. i was sick and tired of being sick and tired. i was unable, i thought, to live without substances and worn out from using. i felt numbing my feelings was the only way to cope with life. i felt i couldn't break the cycle. this made me feel totally helpless. i couldn't live without drugs/alcohol and i couldn't bear to live with them. i no longer knew who i was. i said to my therapist "i don't do life well."
out of desperation i felt i was at the point i either got help or give up entirely. i chose to try one more time and viewed it as my last chance so i fought for my life with fervor. fto me therapy combined with a 12 step program of recovery might help and it did. slowly i learned that i could rejoin life and i found solace in that. today i'm drug and alcohol free-22 yrs. i'm abundantly glad i made that choice to live.
i wish you well. you can make that choice i did. it's hard at first but well worth the journey to freedom and a new life.