Yesterday I spoke with my mom and she informed me she started an intenseive outpatient program for severe depression.

I guess she and my dad went to their appt last week and she admitted she sometimes doesn't shower for days, or can't get out of bed until late afternoon, or doesn't remember to eat, etc. She just feels so down, and it just catches up with her. Her doctor asked her why she didn't mention this before...and my mom didn't have an answer.

I knew that these things were issues for my mom, but I didn't know it was that bad. She always puts on a happy face for me. The medicine isn't cutting it for her and she refuses to keep uping the dosage with no end in sight. That's why when the doc suggested outpatient for several days a week, she said yes.

I want to be supportive and stuff. She is having a difficult time dealing with the stigma that she is now considered officially "mentally ill". I trued to tell her who cares about silly labels and stuff. If it's going to make her feel better, than isn't it worth it?

She is retired, so I think she has more time on her hands to feel down. She doesn't have a job that she can go to. Sometimes no matter how depressed I feel, I know I NEED to go to work simply to pay the bills and survive. Sometimes that gets me through the day. With her, she doesn't have any committments, really. It's sad.

Selfishly, I also think, "Depression is linked to genetics, and since I already deal with depression myself, is that where I'm going to be in a few years?"

I am challenged with supporting her and also trying to make sense of it in my own head. Kind of came out of the blue, so it's a shocker. In addition, she doesn't want anyone in the family to know. Stigma, sure. I get that. But, it's also like keeping a dirty little secret on something that isn't supposed to be considered "dirty"...it's good she's getting help~