I will try not to give up on the aspect of trying to better myself- Always had that in me since realizing some how, that how I grew up was not like others, and seeing my family members ( i was the observer)... Therapy I am going to put off right now I think--- I can't afford a private therapist, and the County has just totally let me down yes, I try not have high expectations but It was more than just being brushed off like this..

I called them both and let them know to cancel my appt for the future- I am at the point right now of wanting to cry for failure and not crying for trying to be strong

Surprising I made a follow up appt with my general doctor to listen to my lungs, I never do that- I just wait till I am sick again for them to listen to my lungs lol......

I am glad so many find break through in therapy and all, but maybe I am a person that is on the boarder line of needing therapy but yet not (it seems at times I need it which makes it even harder)-- maybe it is also part of my personality to reject some things (especially how they are spoken to me), and fear for rejection and failure, and this has happened which right now has made me sour.

BP2, Sever PTSD, with traits of Borderline- who the hell wants to deal with that right? and can "it" be helped... ("it" is me-- I know stop being mean to me but it is how they see me)

Maybe some day in the future, I can find someone to talk to and that we get along on that level for talking

Life is therapy I will always think-- The more positive, tries, failure but learn from them-- and to grow is all a life thing, right?

I guess I will end it there