I'm feeling very sad right now. In general, things have been going better since the beginning of the year especially and I have started the long process of recovery.
It's just such hard work and I don't know whether I can heal what I believe needs to be healed. The triggers are still so strong. Earlier on at work my colleague just flippantly mentioned the menopause when I felt very warm and I cried on and off for the rest of the afternoon and feel fragile this evening.
I'm still having such great difficulties accepting my childless and single state and the fact that the former will be permanent unless I can afford to adopt a child at some point.
I'm trying to concentrate on the here and now, but even if I don't dwell on it, these triggers (e.g. another friend who is pregnant or has given birth...) bring it back all the more strongly and violent, intense emotions just suddenly erupt.

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. I really need to get a grip on this if I don't want to slide all the way back down. I'm just not sure how.
There seems to be so much grief in me - grief mainly for an absence - something that I don't have, haven't had and won't have.
I'm just so so sad. Almost every time I've gone downhill, it's been about something related to the issues above.

I could do with a hug.

Thanks for listening.