Wow! 9 months! That's so good! You've got the power to beat this! You've already shown such strength and bravery.
I don't cut...but I know how it feels when your body is fooling you into feel stuff that isn't real. I have OCD and it has for example made me feel the scent of smoke... fire... but there is no fire. I feel certain physical needs... like to go pee over and over again before going to bed. I feel it in my body... I HAVE TO PEE! But no... I just went there! I've faught this and came a long way and almost always manage to do it only once nowadays... but boy does it still feel in my body... still a fight.

I don't know if this is any help at all.... but please know, I care!