I am trying to think how to approach this with my therapist tomorrow. I want to go in there and say something like, "This is a very awkward position that I am in. I know that you are aware of what I have knowledge of, but I want to know how you REALLY feel about that. I don't want you to ask ME how I feel about it. What do you feel? Does it bother you at all?"

Then I want to explain to her why we (clients) have this need to know that our therapists are real people. It's not that I am obsessed with her at all. I just NEED to know that I am SAFE with this person! Can't they understand that? Why do I need that from her? I don't need that from my regular MD. I don't need that from my psychiatrist, but I do need that from her.

I am going to try my best to be as straight forward as I can. I am not going to go in there like a puppy with its tail between its legs! I want to be able to stand tall and present myself like a normal person with a normal curiousity who had every right to want to know more about the person she is working with.

I just wonder how I would feel if things were reversed. I was the therapist and she was the client. How would I feel if one of my clients googled me? To be honest, it would not bother me at all. I don't have anything to hide. I wouldn't be upset one bit about it. Maybe this is how she feels? Then why does she want me to talk about why I was motivated to look up this information? What difference does it make "why" I did it?

Trying to talk with my husband about this is pointless. He does not understand it at all. I have been with my therapist for almost 2 years and she has done nothing but good for me. He doesn't understand why it matters where she lives or anything else about her outside of the therapy session. I can't make him understand what it is like to be in therapy. I don't think anyone that hasn't gone through this can understand how emotionally challenging it is.

You know, its not that I needed to know 'where' she lives, as much as it was 'how' she lives. For some reason, it helps me to know her economic status. It makes me more comfortable with her. That is so hard to explain to most people. They would ask me why it matters where 'she' lives. Therapy is not about her, it is about me. "Me" needs to be comforted, validated, safe, secure, and respected. That's why it matters.