Thanks for the hugs guys, but I haven't meant it that way.

What I was trying to say was that I now AM concentrating what really bothers me.
The only thing that is wrong with the way I look is that it doesn't correspond with the way I feel. Since I was a child I have been told I look like an innocent angel. Curly blond hair, green eyes, perfectly shaped face... as my mum always put it: too beautiful for my own good (and never did she know how right she was) Only I have known the secret and I have felt like a monster, ugly indescribably awful old thing, with the mask that enabled me to prey on others (like an agressive mimicry of a predator).

So it is a good thing that, with the help of my T, I have realized why I was doing what I was doing and stop doing it (bad thing I cannot undone the damage, never mind the scars, but to have a full left hand dexterity back would be nice).
Now I hope I can do stg with who I am or better yet how I feel about myself.