My childhood is littered with Child Protective Services coming to my house..
getting in trouble for them coming....

parents receiving letters from CPS...overwhelming fear of being taken into foster care...
Although my home was abusive....its what I knew...and it terrified me to think of being separated from all I know.

Dream:
I had this dream I was back at my Elementary school....and I had written a letter about the stuff my mom and dad were doing to me..and I had gone out to recess..having fun..playing tag..
Then suddenly my teacher came up to me and said "Come with me, we have to go to Mrs. Brown"...
Mrs.Brown was my elementary school principal..she was really nice..

but in the dream...She read the letter and then she said "Ok..you have to pack your stuff up...you are going to foster care"..and I started to panic and I tried to tell her...that the letter wasnt true.I tried to say I was just writing silly things

..but she didnt listen..she just told my teacher to get me ready...and I didnt even cry in the dream I justhad this sense of helplessness...fear...guilt..and utter sadness inside..somewhere really deep inside. I started thinking of my parents in jail..thinking about how it was all my fault...thinknig about never seeing them ever again...about being abandoned and alone... Then I woke up in worst panic and fear ever....



Today I told my T some stuff....about my mom...and i stilll live with my mom...but I told my T my mom isnt hurting me now...just before...
but today when I got home from T..I felt that helplessness....
like my T was gonna callsomebody and CPS was gonna come...
and I felt this fear...inside...I started having a flashback of when CPS came ot my house...

Help I cant shake it off...

flashbacks and scary dreams are ruining my daily life