well, jacko558 - i can't really agree that you're hiding it. after all, you posted this "secret" here for discussion and plenty of people have read your posting and several have commented on it. so, it's no longer a secret by any means.

it sounds like the problem may not be guilt but actually a case of "unwanted thoughts." i've had unwanted thoughts since childhood. sometimes, when they rear their ugly head, i just tell them to shut up or to go away! they are just a bother. in a sense, we can pick and choose our thoughts by acknowledging those that do us good and not acknowledging those that harm us. identify these thoughts as those that are harming and do your best to not engage them when they pop up. you can actually get help with this by studying meditation techniques. another way to deal with it is to actually replace old tapes that keep running in your head with new experiences. so, get busy and meet someone nice! by doing so, you will replace a lot of bad thoughts in your head with new, happy ones! all the best to you!