Hi,
I've been reading this thread because I just went through this the other week with my therapist. I do a lot of writing about things and wrote one talking about my doing internet searches on previous therapists (I've had a few plus one who really violated lots of boundaries) including her. Also another thing that I confessed to her is my love for her being more than my love for my mom and wishing I was her daughter. She was not upset at all about my telling her about my love for her. She was not upset that I had found stuff on her. I showed her some of the things I found during my next session. She has been so great with everything that I have told her about and I was so scared that it was sure not to happen this time. I don't want her to abandon me. I am very honest with her (which she appreciates) and felt like I really had to come clean about my transference for her and finding out info about her that she had not told me. The therapist that I had that crossed boundaries had given me some of the stuff about herself so I guess I assumed that it was my right to have that same info about any other therapist in the future. It has been difficult for me to trust her cause of previous therapist however now I do trust her a lot and I'm just scared that this time is going to be the same as it was back when I was going to the other therapist. I so very much was scared about telling therapist and I probably over reacted (I have a tendency to do that) and catastrophized (her word that she uses when I do this). Everything's a catastrophy with me it seems. I need to stop doing that. I too remember anniversaries of things and my 3 year anniversary of therapy with her will be this May. I also told her that I had saved stuff to my computer and wanted to get rid of it and only keep things that the therapist gave me personally as well as things that are truly mine that relate to therapy with that therapist. I did get rid of all that stuff and kept the stuff that I was allowed to. It was seriously difficult to do. The transference I have for her and the internet searches are still on my mind. I too have a therapy session Wed (tomorrow) and I think these topics might be discussed again.
Squiggle I hope that you have a good session on Wedensday. I just realized what time it is - 8 minutes till 3AM. My appointment is at 2PM. Must go to sleep. Hope my post wasn't too long. Have a great day.