Hi - You are not a loon, nor are u going to go insane. I was housebound in the past. I thought the same thing as you do. I found the right Doctor, therapy, and medication, and since 1990, after 17 years of UNdiagnosed panic disorder with agoraphobia, I have been panic free.

I think there could be some truth in "feeling relaxed" doesnt feel normal, but I am not sure about forcing a panic attack. IMHO panic can only happen when there is fear, therefore if you actually WANT to feel panic, you cannot. (Sorry, thats my psych degree talking as well as my own experience). I realize that your parents perhaps think getting an aid to stay with you while they are away is helping you, but it is actually enabling you, and to be blunt, the worst thing they could do to HELP you.

IF u have been housebound for 4 years more or less, what did u do about school ? Are you in therapy ? Are you on meds? Great book that might be of help to you and your parents - "Anxiety, Phobias and Panic - Taking Charge and Conquering Fear" by Reneau Z. Peurifoy. I facilitated a Support Group for 7 years for folks with panic disorder, and that was our "bible".

Good luck ! I would be happy to chat with you more about this if u would like.