There are terrible issues between my mother and me. For the past six months I have been asking her to either apologize for exposing me to the abuse she allowed the loves in her life (eight husbands plus live-in boyfriends) to put me through, everything from verbal degradation to molestation, or at least explain what she was thinking when she seriously considered reuniting with a man who had done that to her daughter. Not only has she ignored this, but she continues simpering at me as if there is nothing wrong between us. Her latest note to me, while flatly ignoring everything I've been telling her for the past six months, began, "Hello, little darling."

Little? I am nearly 48 years old, and large-framed. She is the only one who would describe me as "little." Because it's condescending, I hate it, and she knows that? I think so.

I asked my husband if his mother still talks to him like that. I hadn't observed it, but just to make sure, I asked. No. Of course she doesn't. My mother will use the word "girl" to describe me, while Mike tells me he hasn't been called a "boy" since he actually was one. My daughters, by the way, are in their 20's. I still catch myself referring to them as "my girls," but I correct it now. They are adult women, and should be respected as such IMO. For this reason, I don't buy the statement that "You are always your mother's baby, no matter how old you are." I have seen mothers besides my own (picture Everybody Loves Raymond) who continue to baby their adult offspring, and it never ceases to make me sick.

Granted I'm not the only one she talks this way about. When my late grandmother was seriously ill in early 2010, there was some family discussion about what to do with my aunt who was mentally challenged and in my grandmother's custody. Should she be left in the care of my uncle David? My mother (the oldest among the siblings) thought my grandmother might be nervous about that because "David is a boy, and Barbara is a girl." For the record, David is in his 50's, and Barbara, special or not, was in her early 60's. When do people become "men" and "women" in her opinion? Will she not respect the adulthood of *anyone* younger than herself? (What to do with Barbara turned out to be a moot issue, since my grandmother recovered, but sadly Barbara passed away. My grandmother followed almost a year later.)

My questions:

1. Do those of you with adult children still use childlike terms to describe or address them? "Boy/girl," "little," etc.?

2. Do any of you have parents who address or describe you that way? How do you feel about that?