I'm very conflicted. There's days where I want her back in my life (the majority of the time) and there's times where I just want to know why. Why it all ended so quickly. Why her feelings changed. Why she could go from talking about getting married and having kids, from living together for the rest of our lives to having nothing to do with me.

You have to realize that she was my best friend. I talked to her every day and saw her more frequent than anybody in my life and that just was halted instantly. I go back on myself all too soon thinking of how it all ended and I just wish I hugged her. I wish I said I was sorry for everything. But I didn't. I tried to stand my ground and act tough. I walked away from her. The last thing I said to her was "I love you and I always will, though I wish I could stop right now." And now I have nothing.

I've weighed my life on pen and paper today. What I've got going for me and what I don't. The only thing that I've got going for me that I could come up with is seeing my little sister grow up. That's it. The negatives completely outweighed the positives.