Quote:
Originally Posted by bb2023
Hi mgbeers2012, welcome to PC 
Im sorry your experiencing difficulties with your marriage right now. I understand your anxiety about your wifes new friend. I guess the situation could be argued from both sides: your wife might be going the extra mile (literally) to see this person because she values this new friendship and is simply eager to maintain it as you said she hasn't been that social for quite some time - or - there is more to it then meets the eye, but if you've asked her and she had said no, your either going to have trust her or go with what your instinct tells you - whatever that may be. If your socially phobic and she is not then it must be difficult for you to feel comfortable with her wanting to interact with others but as she herself doesn't have this problem it must be pretty frustrating for her. She has to meet her own needs whilst somehow trying to be mindful of yours.
If no form of compromise can be met and you really don't see any way of resolving your issues then a trial separation might be the only option. Have you considered couples therapy? I think it would be a great shame if after 13 years theres nothing really left to help you survive whatever troubles you might be facing but at the same time there is no point in further exhausting each other - if the relationship has met a natural end then so be it. People fall out of love just as easily as they fall into it. |
First I want to add that he's really not a new friend, as she's been keeping in touch with him for a few years, but only recently has she been invited to visit and go to concerts with him and her family (first one with him, his brother and mom) part of this situation with this friend has led up to the separation. In fact when I'm rational, I agree that a separation, if only to keep it real to me, is not a bad idea. I can get too comfortable a lot and not pursue counseling. Oh and the separation is already in the works, I'm only moving one building away from her and the kids and she continues to say she doesn't know what she's going to do without me every night but maintains that she needs to do this. (I guess she's a bit confused right now too)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bb2023
In terms of your treatment, only you can be responsible for your recovery - you have to get better for yourself and no one else. You owe it to you to reclaim your life and if the effects of that include an improved relationship with your wife or even a saved marriage then thats a bonus. You say you have a good relationship when your feeling ok...i personally think it would be a shame if nothing could be done to help try and achieve that more often.
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I agree, as I said to a friend this morning - i have to do this whatever the end result is with the separation, in either case everyone will benefit if I get help. I hope and pray that the separation will end in reconciliation rather than divorce, but that's going to be 52+ weeks away before I know.
Thank you so much for your response. much appreciated.