Right now I'm so confused on where I stand. I've done drugs for about eight years now, and in that time I've cleaned up maybe four or five times, I just keep going back to it. I've tried changing my friends, my surroundings, the things I do. I absolutely cannot stand sobriety. My mind is constantly racing, I feel like I need to slow it down. Part of me wants to throw my life away and go further into addiction because I'm so disinterested in how "normal" people function. I don't want to work a 9-5 job til I'm in my 60s, worrying about retirement, saving up money, where I'm going to live, bills, etc. I don't want to make it past 35, honestly. I'm in a strange mindset lately, I've tried talking to my therapist about it, but it always cycles back to finishing school, getting a job, being a part of society, all these things I really have no desire for. I don't know, I am so terribly confused right now.