...I had one of the worst flashbacks ...in T in my recent appointment....one of the worst Ive had in public Ide dare to say. It was quite the show....i was literally on the verge of running out of the office it was sobad.....I was breathing I dont know how fast,....and my thughts were everywhere...

So much..My T said she was gonna schedule an appointment...to meet with her supervisor..and her and me..because she said she wants to help me better...Wht if im gonna get kicked out of college for being such a wacko...or get locked up...

I dont think i should show how deeply in pain I am anymore....I feel this is too messed up..I didnt think it was so bad ...that she thinks we should speak with the supervisor...

Shes experienced ......idk

...Im thinking of forgetting therapy..Im thinking that maybe Im just not supposed to remember all these things..maybeit was best when I pretended they werent there and Ijust tried to pretend everything was ok.....
everyday is feels like im somewhere else... it gets worse the more I say..
I panic more and get more frantic the more I think about what Ive told her...

I feel too screwed up for T...Like...im really going to lose it.

We didnt even talk about the really hard stuff..

She says she wants to help me...she says she believes in me..

but I feel scared, like I ruined her life...Im afraid if I show her how messed up flashbacks and all these things are for me...
Ill end up locked up somewhere.

Im so disgusting.

my T is really nice and very professional...so im not saying something is wrong with her...
i think something is wrong with me. mayb im too messsed up to be helped.