Went to new pdoc today. It's the second time I've met with her. I asked her if she was a good guy or a bad guy because I don't know her very well or for very long as I did with my last pdoc. I said it took a long time to get a rapport with my old pdoc and am not sure where she is coming from and whether she will hurt me or help me. She said that my thinking is the way I view people. I then had to ask her if it was symptoms of paranoia and she said yes. I said I hope I didn't offend her of which she said I didn't, but I don't know.

I think that with our first session she immediately wanted to increase my meds and being so, I viewed that as her being a bad guy. But after having told her what I thought and have purged my mind of those thoughts, perhaps my T is right that my new pdoc isn't a bad guy and is there to help me and not hurt me. But now I feel like crap that I told her what I was thinking about her and that I let my paranoia get the best of me. I thought about writing a letter to her to explain my thought process but am actually wary because my last pdoc put a letter I wrote to him in my folder. So now I have to wait 6 weeks to the next time I see her for me to address this again. Ugh.