Congrats on your early HS degree and taking college classes ! I am probably older than your Mom, and only received my last degree in 1993 - guess old dogs can be taught new tricks! LOL

The book you mentioned is pretty good. If you get a chance to get the one I mentioned, you might really find it wonderful.

I truly understand that being alone for a weekend would be difficult. IF you are totally isolated, with no one to call in case of an emergency, with no one to stop in and visit, etc, then perhaps an aid would be necessary. IMHO, however, I was enabled by family, and it was not until THEY understood that panic attacks and the resulting agoraphobia is in our heads, and the things they thought were helping us were just allowing us to continue to be fearful of those things we were fearful of, did they stop enabling and in actuality, MAKE me get the help I needed, do the work myself and get better - did it happen. I also understand stopping therapy if the therapist wasnt the right kind for you........I had several before I found an In Vivo Therapist , which is what saved me (also what I spent almost 12 years doing as a career). Perhaps you could find one - they actually take you out, talk you through your fears, give you coping skills, etc.

We will have to agree to disagree on panic attacks happening when we are not afraid of them, or when we want them to happen. Panic does not happen unless there is fear, and to want to panic - removes the fear of doing so. That is not to say that you are so fearful of being "relaxed" that you cant panic tho.

I truly am sorry that you are suffering with this ! Having been there myself, I hate to know of anyone else going thru it. I wish you all the best in getting better.