It is such a relief to get comfort from you all that someone out there thinks these things matter whenever my t is kind of mean or insensitive. I don't think I'd have let him be that way as much as I do if not for the support on PC. I probably wouldn't have continued therapy anywhere close to this long. And I have gotten some things out of it (whether "it" is PC or therapy, I'm not sure).

Thanks anilam. I think my t doesnt' want to have a trusting relationship, or any relationship. Anyway, yeah, my mother was not awful but she was mean sometimes. She is nice to me now, but working on relationships is not part of her worldview I don't think. She's happy with the status quo, as long as we don't say anything about the past, and as long as I continue to visit and anxiously try to be nice to her. Well, I think what you said is right... just inspired me to spill even more junk about it here .

Thanks Readytostop. I'm sorry you're in a bad place too. Finding some peace is a good way to put it. I hope you find some peace about yours too.

Thanks for saying you think it's important tigergirl. It really helps that someone thinks so even when t comes across the opposite. I know there are lots of ways to interpret what he says, but he's pretty intelligent and he knows it too. The way I'm interpreting it isn't that far fetched and I believe he must know there's a pretty good chance it hurt, and he wants to do it anyway.

Yeah I remember seeing what Chris wrote too. But my reaction even when I read it was... there must be some limit to how much you can tell your t what you need and he can say what you tell him, for it to still mean much. I might be at the limit for it to mean enough to me, even if he agreed to say it, and I think he probably wouldn't even agree to say it.

Well, it probably sounds like I just disagreed with half of what you wrote, but I realize that what you wrote is probably the most positive interpretation of it, and I really do appreciate you caring and trying to help me a lot, even though I'm not in a place to accept my t.

Yeah, I'm identifying with you about letting things play themselves out. I've been doing that a lot more with my current t than I did with previous t's. (And coming on PC to get through the hurtful things he says, which makes it more tolerable to wait for the playing out to happen.) And pretty likely I'll wind up doing that again, just waiting a month due to inertia with making a decision on ending or asking him to meet sooner. This is the first time I think I've felt this strongly about it. I've had a bunch of other posts about quitting but this is the first time I think I'm considering quitting without talking to him about it first. His push for me to leave sucks, but that's the way it is. He keeps suggesting I come less often, even before this. I think I might be able to accept it and do it. It's not what I thought I wanted, but maybe I'm just better off not thinking about all these things. I was a lot happier before therapy yesterday after all.

thank you!