hopeful, try to make an appointment with a Pdoc. it sounds like depression to me. it's not a sin to be depressed. it's a world-wide wave! remember the waves at the sporting events?

and listen to your T. i've had the same thoughts as you and i thought that i should "fix myself"....you're sad and you're crying and you want to be happy. that right there is enough to go on. please take care of yourself and find out what to do. love, pat