So I went and I was really quiet. Felt like I didn't say anything for an hour itself. She told me I didn't *Have* to tell her anything. But I did -have to, that is. I just couldn't. Talking would have...I don't know, I really felt like I was unable to use my words. Then, I think to her surprise since I usually avoid her 'fun/play ideas', I volunteered to draw it.

I drew what I believed what a pretty clear picture of what was going on, but of course being a T, she saw more than the picture I drew. You know? The "there's a lot of white space on the page. What does that mean?" "T, it means I'm not friggen Picasso and I just needed you to see the summary" (of course didn't say that). I had drawn a squiggly line on the page, and then she decided to "talk to the squiggly line" (ie me...being the squiggley line). Sometimes I wonder about this woman....she seems a bit loony. But at the same time, I'm just a crazy because I understand, I think what she got out of it.

She asked me if I wanted her to guess and I said yes. She asked why I wanted her to guess and I said, I hoped she'd run out of time before she got it. But at the same time, I just so wanted her to know. Just wanted to roll in a ball, not tell her, but have her know.

She said she had a couple of guesses, so I drew another clue. I think she finally got it, but she didn't say it out loud. She described where I'm at. She thinks I make her sad when I'm sad because I'm so uncomfortable with it she wants to band-aid it for me, care-take is the word she usually chooses.

She asked me what I needed from her. That question, why does she ask it? I guess being in t implies needing something from the T but whenever she asks I reply "I don't know". I don't understand how she could make it better - anyone understand this question?

She said I could call her (I wouldn't - I don't call - anyone, ever). Or text or email. Which makes me sad, I feel like I've worried her. Not that I wasn't sad.

[End word vomit]