Thank you all for your kind words and harsh words of support, I know having kids is not an excuse to be in a relationship as I left the father of my older two after 5 years of physical abuse. 1 day when he was at work I made some phone calls and emptied the house and moved myself and my kids to the other side of the country and then all court issues for years it was decided he was allowed no access to them at all, just 4 letters a year! I started a new life and was very carefull in selecting a new partner and good father for my babies.
He has raised them as his own and given them a brother too, stress is caused through difficulties with my condition and his lack of understanding, no matter how much I explain to him and as I get bad patches so does our relationship, he is not a bad man but makes bad choices, no this is not an easy decision and am stuck.
Yes I am complaining and want to do something but this is my family and it would be selfish of me to jump into a choice that involves my childrens feelings not just my own and the last thing I am is selfish unlike some people I see the whole picture surrounding my family not just me