So, I've been on the verge of trying to figure this out for a long while now. And, just recently, have I been able to both be clear headed enough to do it, as well as give that last little push. I've never talked to this, in particular, to anyone, and if this is in the wrong part of the forum, feel free to move it, or delete it, or something along with that.

I figure I'll give a little bit of information prior, so you might be able to get a feeling of the situation. I'm 17 years old, which, under normal circumstances, would've stopped me from posting (I'm not certain what the rules and regulations are, but some places require you to be 18), but recently I've gotten kind of sick of my situation. I was diagnosed last year with some form of chronic depression, but as my parents didn't want me on the medication, I currently go unmedicated, despite the psychologists opinion on the matter.

Anyway, my depression-having isn't entirely my question for you all. Sometimes, when I'm having even a mild episode (this goes for both anxiety as well as my depression) it seems like I have very limited to no access to my own thoughts. When I start thinking about them in anything other than a shallow manner, they just kind of lock up, and I feel like I'm staring at a blank wall.

I recognize the situation as if I were totally conscious of the matter. It's like I'm another person staring into my own head, and, at the same time, my thoughts are neither my own, nor are they available. I have full control over everything else, I just can't think clearly. Or, sometimes, at all.

I'm wondering if this is a symptom of the depression, or if this is another disorder I may not know about. Thanks for any information you might be able to toss my way, I'd appreciate it.