When all is said and done the whole spending thing for me brings about a lot of sadness and shame for having no control. In the moment I feel that things I really want and need are before me, begging an opportunity to make a difference. When I calm down and attempt to observe my actions from an objective perspective I feel a tiredness that reaches the depths of my soul. A recognition that "yes, I am here again..., I have done this again..., I have returned to struggle with the consequences." My purchases will be absorbed into my day to day life with little notice. They no longer feel so tangible. I know that I will be consumed by the same weakness again. I never come to terms with it, it never goes away. V.