I'd really be totally honest with the team about 100% of what's going on with you, Fang, what you're hearing, suicidal thoughts and all. I know that's scary but really it's the only way you'll get the proper help.

I can only speak for the Canadian System, but most psychiatric hospitals have what are known as early intervention psychosis teams designed to work with young people who are perhaps experiencing symptoms for the first time.

And believe me, nobody will try to hospitalize you unless they absolutely think you need it, the goal most places is to keep people out of the hospital, as there's generally a bed shortage. To give you an example, I saw my psychiatrist, two days after I'd OD'd, I told him I flat out didn't trust my own judgement about being safe, and that I thought I needed to be in the hospital. Did I get hospitalized? Nope. I got increased community based care.

And if you are hospitalized it doesn't have to be a horrible experience. Again I can only speak to my experience in Canada, but I've been hospitalized twice for extended periods, and both times it was a relatively positive experience.

Good luck.

splitimage