I'm sorry your having such a hard time figh now. I have felt that way with my T.
I mean I'm thinking if your T knows how bad it is for you at the present time, more reliance on you T is to be expected?
IMO if that's what you need to get through then try and use it. Maybe when you start feeling better you can not rely on T so much if your scared of having that?

I hope u feel better soon... (((hugs)))