This!

I know how you feel. Lately I can't seem to wait even a day or two after session without feeling absolutely compelled to write an email to T, typically spilling out all my 'post-session' analysis and thoughts. Sometimes dreams, (3 of which have featured T, in as many weeks, and she knows this ) sometimes just miscellaneous nonsense. Anything just to try and feel that connection.

I know I have opened up a LOT more to T in recent weeks, and she has encouraged the use of email in this process... I feel like we've got closer, and so I've been more honest with her about EVERYTHING, including feeling attached etc... but now she doesn't seem to reply to my emails as quickly/at all and last session when I mentioned I spent a few days feeling lonely and disconnected from everyone she simply said "but you survived." So, after her encouraging me to take that 'leap of faith' and 'trust' and 'open up' and not 'block/shut [her] out' -- I let her in, really let her in -- and now I feel like I'm getting signals like 'whoa, hold on', 'I'm not your new mum' and 'you can survive without constantly reaching out to me, back off!' So I feel like I'm trying to learn how to tread a line: not going back to being 'emotionally distant' and 'closed off', without becoming all clingy and dependent either. Being connected without being attached, I guess. If such a thing is possible.

Where to DRAW that line, though? I'm wobbling all over the place, because this is so new to me - I haven't let anyone get so close before. The line has always been at arm's length! Now I don't know where to put it.

Just wanted to say 'I hear you'