This is super dumb.
Maybe people have some thoughts or suggestions on this, though?

I am currently plagued with the horrible feeling of singleness. I don't want a boyfriend and I never have, but I am a bit jealous of my friends who have boyfriends. My BFF in particular has a gorgeous boyfriend. Mind you, these are not highschool students who are IN WUV, but break up in two weeks because they "need space" or for some Seinfeldesque reason. They have been in a committed relationship for several years and plan to get married soon. They do everything together and are so very much in love, even though they often have problems. I am not jealous of my friend's boyfriend, just the fact that they have such a beautiful relationship and that I am...Well...Lonely.

Now, the thinking part of my brain says I really don't need a man, having a romantic relationship is complicated and really hard work, and that it's a huge distraction from the rest of life.
But the gushy, romantic, hormonal side of my brain says that I am a lonely, lovelorn heroine of some gothic romance novel who NEEDS A DUDE NOW.

It's not even a sexual need. I just want somebody to "be mine." As far as sex is concerned, I'm kind of "Meh!" or ambivalent. As far as having somebody to just share stuff with, be with, cuddle with, lavish affection upon, somebody who enjoys being with me equally as much...Yes. My dog just ain't cutting it for me these days, I need a fellow human. And let's face it, I love you menfolk.

I just feel severe lack of romance in my life, and I am an extremely dramatic and romantic person. I love candles and rose petals and velvet, but I have no outlet. Though like I said, half of me doesn't want another person AT ALL, hates the idea of being in a relationship, and shuns all romantic thoughts as silly fantasy. The other half of me, however, is lonely, pathetic, and terribley gushy. This is frustrating to say the least, and it's driving me crazy. I like feeling mushy-mushy, but it is unproductive and I have no outlet for it.

It's gotten so bad, in fact, that I think if I saw pretty goth dude on the street, (goth because a. I have a horrible weakness for spookies and b. most goths tend to be silly romantics) I would disregard all sanity, glomp him, and ask him out on a total whim. >.>
And then it would turn out that he was a pot-smoking loser with radically different political beliefs, and I'd end up with a hangover and a broken heart.
Do you see how moronic this is? OH MY GOSH, why am I putting this on the internet, anyway? Boo.

As I said, DUMB.

Thank you for taking the time to read the unadulterated account of BlackHoleKid's raw, goofy emotions.
<---BlackHoleKid. All the time.