Hello & Welcome, Kite_helen!
This is my experience, too.

Engineers! How I wish there were an easy way to get you and your brothers to where you are needed. It is most unfortunate your talents are unused. And that is not all: divorce, loss of friends, debts, physical ailments, more. Depression would be difficult all by itself, but you confront all these other problems along with it.

I am very impressed you have been able to defeat alcoholism!

Kite_helen, from what you have written it appears you have made significant efforts to deal with depression, and you know the limits of what is realistically available to you. At the very least, here you can talk freely without people thinking you are weak.

Please, keep posting when you can.