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Old Feb 17, 2012, 11:21 AM
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amaviena amaviena is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 430
Quote:
Originally Posted by mandamoo42 View Post
hello Amanda!! I am Amanda too and I also have BPD. However I am 43 (almost) and I am not going to sugarcoat things and say things will magically improve for you overnight because they won't, but what I CAN tell you is that with the right help and education and the right medication it is possible to live a fairly stable and non-chaotic life with this poxy disorder. I don't have any friends either apart frm my long-suffering partner of 18 years and my dog. What i have learnt to do is accept myself for what I am and learn to like myself and be a friend to myself. In time you too will learn this. take care of yourself.
Medication helps symptoms. There is no "chemical cure" for straight and forward BPD. Overnight? I've been in the system for 13 years. I think I'm only a tinsy bit beyond assuring me it will eventually get better, but not "overnight."
How can you love or even like someone you don't even know? I don't know what friends are. I had one once. For 13 years. She slept with my boyfriend of three years the entire time I knew him, gave me something, then married him a month after him and I broke up because I was "mean" all the time. The concept of a friend isn't real or comforting to me. I'd rather be alone then risk that again. And I know there are no good people in the world.

The second part of this diatribe response was a letter about how I dislike you...black and white black and white....which is probably because maybe I don't want to have the "you'll get better with the right skills" conversation. Screw the right skills. Deep breathing, telling people how I feel, and imagining my problems float away on leaves on a stream under a gnarled oak tree doesn't help anyone.
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- Amanda (amaviena@gmail.com)

"I'm insecure, impatient, and a little selfish. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you cant handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe