My husband and I were briefly separated last year for a few months or so and I realized that I spent so long trying to just get him to be a part of the marriage and be my spouse that now he has changed I dug myself a rut of trying to help him so much so I completely neglected my own personal well being and happiness. I have no friends to speak of and have become an isolated hermit. He was so psychologically damaging for years and I wasn't "allowed" to have friends and the ones I did keep are never as good as him in his eyes. Those few months I was confused but the happiest I had ever been for a while. I didn't have to answer to him at all and only had to worry about my son and myself. Allowing him back into the house on a good merit term it almost made me feel satisfied for those few months knowing he was hurting and that he realized how badly he hurt me, I'm not sure giving my marriage another go was the right choice. It feels like at this point I spent so long just trying to get him to let me love him that now it's like the damage is done. I'm going to do a 4th and 5th step on him because my resentment is poison to me, I keep internalizing it hoping it will pass then something will happen and I can't but seeth through my teeth my animosity for all he did to me and all he didn't do. A day at a time I guess, I just keep hoping I can get that desire for him back, now it seems I just can't care... I think I may file for divorce if I can't change this anger for him.