I've decided to retract my earlier melting reflex. I'm not going to visit him, maybe I should change my number again, altho that didn't really help last time

I don't want 'this', yet I want him. I'm just gonna turn off my phone. that way the urge to contact him might subside.

He's been my closest friend, for 12 yrs...Why do I think he's out to get me? Why do I think I'm some source of entertainment to him? Why do I think he's yanking my chain? NO EVIDENCE OF ANY OF THIS, yet it's true, to me anyway, and it hurts, so ******* much, and still I love him.

I'm nuts. That's the problem