A little update. I had posted about my T having to cancel my appt. after I waited an hour because she was hospitalizing another patient. We talked openly at my rescheduled session about my feelings about that and my guilt about feeling selfish for being disappointed. My T was really kind, and said that I deserved my hour and that it was important, and my disappointment wasn't selfish. Very sweet.

But I also addressed something that I had written about in the "Dear T" thread--that the endings of my sessions felt really jarring like a spell was breaking. T agreed that they felt off. I said that I didn't know if it was because I'm part of the recovery community where hugging is de rigueur, but that it felt really weird to leave after being so intimate and connected without engaging in some sort of goodbye ritual involving touch.

I noted that she had, in fact, never touched me and that I presumed it was her policy, and that I wanted to talk about it. BTW, telling someone, "You've never touched me," is possibly the the most awkward feeling sentence that has ever left my mouth. Sheesh, the vulnerability of it. Ick.

Anyway, she said she was surprised to hear that she hadn't ever touched me, and said that that was not her policy, and we could agree on a goodbye hug from now on if that would make me feel more comfortable. You could have hit me over the head with a ruler. So, that's what it's like to state your needs in a therapy relationship and have them met. Huh. Nothing like my previous T.

So, we hugged at the end of the session, and she said we could talk about what that meant to me next time. I left feeling so much more comfortable than I ever had in the past after a session. It felt much more natural and much less like the artifice of therapy was ringing in my ears. Good stuff.