Sorry if I shouldn't of posted this here..

Basically I have this weird ''relationship'' and I'm really confused as to how to feel about it. I'm 18, he's 42. We met online but not with the intention of being in a relationship, or the intention of anything really. It was on a sort of educational BDSM site two years ago. He's married (though says it isn't romantic or sexual anymore..) and does have another girlfriend. The open relationship suited me at first then as time has gone on and we've fallen in love it makes me feel...strange, the foundations of our relationship is really our Dom/sub dynamic but recently it's started to bother me because of articles I've read on eroticized and romanticized dominance..

I just dont feel like he actually loves me, and if I were to say I dont want to continue a D/s relationship I feel like he would just stop wanting to be with me. I fully recognise how obsessive I can be and my daddy issues that are laced through the relationship. Plus I have depression, BPD and anxiety, and he's an ex addict. We both admit to having sex and/or love addiction.

Everytime I try to end it he says he's always going to be there if I change my mind which makes me feel like there's no real closure. It's always one rule for him and another for me, he can tell me about whom he's having sex with etc but I mention I've met someone nice and he just ignores it. He ignores anything that matters to me that ISN'T him, but I constantly encourage and support him.

In two years I dont think he's ever complimented me in a way that wasn't sexual. I just hate feeling like someone's option when they're my priority.

I love him, I know that 100%. But it causes far more pain than it does joy, it feels like a moderate level of emotional control.

I let the few friends I had slip away and stopped caring about much apart from pleasing him and getting his approval. Then recently I applied for an art course and he doesn't encourage my aspirations.

I've heard how stupid I'm being over and over from a lot of people, but I just need genuine, logical guidance.

Thankyou.